the woes of a professional procrastinator

Procrastinate should be my middle name.

I am sure, i am the world's biggest and best procrastinator. Everything that gets done, is usally the result of me delaying doing something else. I even procrastinate taking band aids off. I leave them on, withering and curling for days after their application until eventually the glue dissolves and they peel off pain free. Why do i do it? I really don't know. It's not to avoid pain or hard work because i will indulge in these as part of putting off other things quite happily. I'm aware of my doing it, but continue to do so over and over again. And if anyone tells me otherwise i get cranky for them telling me what to do, or rushing me. How dare they?!

I'm doing it right now you know. I have an assignment due in exactly 1hr and 20mins and i'm typing on my bloody blog spot rather than about the application of theories in the art classroom. Instead of starting i do everything else possible. I clean. I garden. I make soup. I stare out the window. I compulsively check my email. I do the crossword and then a weeks worth of suduko from the newspapers accumulating in the corner. Today I even brushed my cat for 20mins. The thing is, I hate procrastination but it's my best hobby. It makes me feel sick. I have a pit in my stomach and anxiety rising in my throat. I hate this feeling of something looming over me but i just keep procrastinating, busying myself with a million other jobs hoping it will just go away - which it doesn't - until something either cracks and i do it or I just run away and hide.

I promise myself everytime i hand an assignment in late or rushed (which is every assignment i've done bar one or two) i will never do it again. NEXT TIME i will be better organised. NEXT TIME i will start my research when i get the assignment. NEXT TIME i will complete it on time, even early to allow for proofing and editing. But NEXT TIME is always next time, never this time. The funny thing is, when i actually do start doing whatever it is i was putting off, i usually enjoy it and wish i'd had more time. Ha ha. Gee that's funny. Urgh. Amazingly, despite rushing and being late I nearly always manage to achieve quite good results... maybe this is why i do it again? I know i can get away with it? Or maybe i'm just a compulsive self sabotager? Maybe i secretly thrive on the thrill of stress? No ... i'm definitely not one of those.

I envy those people who get everything done on time ... or worse, early. They do five assignments before dinner, but also manage to squeeze in a quick game of tennis, a catch up with friends, their 10hr waitressing shift and world domination. I'm lucky if i get more than one thing done on my daily "to do" list. I know it's all about time management. I try to do this but then procrastinate actually managing time by drawing up complicated timetables and schedules with colour coded boxes that I never end up using anyway.

I blame it on shiney things. I'm like a magpie, i get distracted so easily. And everything is so shiney in Sydney. So many things to look at, to see, to ponder, to admire. Even from the seat i'm at now. The way the back grill frames the gum tree protruding above the warehouse next door, contrasting with the Iris's on the kitchen table in the foreground. How the sun shines through the window pane causing it's floral patterns to dance all over the sun room. I'm surrounded by distractions. So many ...

Hmmm ... anyway, enough procrastination for one afternoon. Back to my assignment.